You Jump I Fall
by BICaRdiBrEeZa
Summary: Juliet and Sawyer find themselves left behind, and Juliet remembers how she felt when she first met him. Includes scenes that didn't exist in s3. Takes place directly after s4 finale.


This one shot takes place directly after the Lost season four finale. I really liked the idea of Juliet/Sawyer from that last scene they had together so i wrote a one shot about them both. I sprinkled some Coldplay lyrics in there because they seemed very Juliet/Sawyer to me personally.

Enjoy!

* * *

_Just because I'm losing  
Doesn't mean I'm lost  
Doesn't mean I'll stop  
Doesn't mean I will cross_

_Just because I'm hurting  
Doesn't mean I'm hurt  
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve  
No better and no worse_

_I just got lost  
Every river that I've tried to cross  
And every door I ever tried was locked  
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off..._

_-Coldplay, Lost!_

After an hour I couldn't even see the bottom of the bottle anymore. I couldn't picture Jack's face, or Ben's, as they realized I never stepped a foot of the island. I wondered, briefly, if deep down Ben or even Jack might feel the tiniest bit of guilt but I then I heard Sawyers hoarse voice ask me what I was staring at and the thoughts floated away from me.

"Do you think they… made it?"

I ask the question that's been on both our tongues for the last hour. When the sky turned purple and the island shook I knew deep down something had gone terribly wrong, I could feel in my bones, this wasn't supposed to happen.

Sawyer doesn't say anything at first and the silence is oddly comfortable. It wasn't like this with Jack, Jack's silence made me nervous.

"I think.." He trailed off as he pointed to the sky, "there never coming back sweetheart."

He's gaze drifted my mouth now and he licked his lips _that_ made me nervous.

Abruptly Sawyer grabbed another bottle from the stash he'd had gone back to ransack earlier after I'd finished the first bottle in minutes. He ripped the top off with excessive force swearing loudly when it refused to turn but I suppose that's just the way he is. Everything he does is dramatic and rough, unlike me; everything I do is delicate and elaborate. I took the bottle from him and turned it with ease I sent him a smirk, he sent me a glare. And it shouldn't fit, we shouldn't fit, but we do.

It's odd to think I've felt some strange connection with him since the moment I saw him, that day feels like a lifetime ago when I offered him my water bottle and he threw it on the ground like a two year old. If I was being honest, which I rarely am, he made me feel alive again. After three years in this hell it was easy to become lost and to lose everything that ever made you who you were.

Ben had tried he's hardest to take it all from me, to keep me isolated, and when Amy mentioned Sawyer had paid me attention I made the mistake of smiling and I could see it in Ben's eyes, he would have to find an excuse to separate me from the criminal as well. Just another obstacle in our way. Because he was so certain I would turn to him when I realized I had no one.

And then Jack came along. I liked him immediately, but I didn't show it to any of the people that were my 'friends' this time, I had to work hard to earn his trust and it was tiring not being able to explain all the things he wanted answers for but eventually we formed a genuine bond. Ben really was in a no win situation.

He couldn't risk putting me in charge of Sawyer because he had noticed immediately the chemistry that seemed to exist but if I continued to stay with Jack, well he would lose me to him in the end. I could see it in his face when he watched us interact; he was panicking trying to find some way to force a wedge between the doctor and me.

"Tell me somethin'?" Sawyer spoke up now, staring out at the setting sun, I barely registered the noise above the bustle in my brain.

"What?"

He lifted himself from the sand almost falling over drunk and began picking up twigs that lay around us, "I said tell me somethin'? Somethin' about you?"

I rolled my eyes and looked back at him, "Why, it's not like you really care."

"Maybe not," he conceded, "But ya'll already know everything about me."

She couldn't argue him there. He'd been the second file she read, right after Ben showed her Jack's, she trekked through the jungle alone to Mikhail's and convinced him Ben wanted her to read Sawyer and Kate's files as well. Although she couldn't really have cared less about Kate's, it was Sawyer's that had her intrigued. And after she read it she couldn't deny she was shocked to learn he'd murdered someone in cold blood, in fact she was utterly horrified she had even taken a fancy to him in the first place. But then, after she herself had murdered Pickett in cold blood, she realized not everything was as it seemed. Just because a piece of paper said he was a killer, how could she judge him for that? Her own file would now say the exact same thing.

"I have a nephew I've never met." I replied but immediately clamped my mouth shut out of habit. 'Don't get attached Juliet, don't reveal too much', I could hear Ben's grating voice in my ear.

"Huh? Fancy that." He placed the twigs in a pile in front of me and poured some bourbon on them. "I've got a daughter I've never met."

I couldn't even hide my surprise, "You have a kid?" That wasn't in his file.

He nodded as he searched his jeans for a pack of matches, "I know, it wasn't in ya'll creepy files, probably because her mama's a wanted felon. I doubt she went 'round having baby showers."

Juliet watched him pull out a pack of soggy dharma matches. Jacob would know that though even if the girl hadn't gone to a hospital or told anyone… I bit my lip. Jacob should have known that.

I put my hand in my front pocket and wriggled forward in the sand. This immediately caught Sawyer attention and I nearly blushed at the dirty smirk he sent me.

"Here," I threw the lighter at him trying to retain my cool calm collect manner.

Sawyer watched her for a moment waiting for her to crack but she never did, "You'd be a good con partner you know?" he stated matter-of-factly as he lit the fire.

I raised my eyebrows at him, "And why is that?"

"Because Blondie…" he sat down next to me, he was closer than he had even been before I could smell coconut from his shirtless chest and whiskey from his breath and it should make me uncomfortable, I should be running towards the jungle… but I'm not.

My face remained a cool reflection of the ocean I' m staring at, not one clear emotion present.

"…you've got one hell of a poker face."

_Those who are dead are not dead  
They're just living my head  
And since I fell for that spell  
I am living there as well  
Oh..._

_Time is so short and I'm sure  
There must be something more_

_You thought you might be a ghost,  
You didn't get to heaven but you made it close._

_-Coldplay, 42_

'It's easy to fall into old habits.'

I tell myself over and over again as I watch Sawyer fish for our diner. It shouldn't turn me on watching him act like a cave man. But it does and I'm mortified. It reminds me of times when Goodwin would do things like that take care of me, make sure I was safe.

You'd think after a few days of seeing him strut around shirtless I would have developed some type of immunity to him. But I haven't, I'm just as affected on the inside as I ever was even if I try not to show it on the outside. There's some childish stubborn part of me that won't ever let him know he's won.

At night while he lies as close to me as he dares he says Kate's name in his sleep but I don't let it disappoint me. He will never replace Jack and I will never replace Kate. We both know that.

He turns to face me now with a smirk as if he had been listening in on my train of thought and part of me thinks maybe he did. He always seems to know what I'm thinking it puts me off balance... He never asks me if I want something, he just _knows _what I want or what I'm thinking and sends me that endlessly frustrating smirk. I hated it at first but now I've grown accustom to it, it's oddly comforting to have someone just do something for you without ever having to ask them. I've never experienced that before with anybody, and I never thought I would feel this comfortable around Sawyer, but I do.

"Blondie!" He calls out, "Feel like some flake?"

Sawyer brandishes a small lemon shark up high in one hand while a badly hand made fishing rod dangles in the other.

I shrug and he frowns I know he's unimpressed. He clearly wanted some girlie giggle or fawning at his fishing ability but I'm in no mood. Ben's people, _my_ people, still haven't approached us yet and I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. If they tell me I can go with them but I have to leave him behind… I don't know what I'll do. I couldn't possible try to fight them but if they tried to kill him... how could I not?

Sawyer sits puts the shark on the wooden kitchen bench and comes to stand in front of where I'm sitting.

He's southern drawl reminds me of oozing honey, "Turn that frown upside down Sunshine." He says as he kicks my foot with his own.

I send him a tight smile I wonder why he's so happy when he knows no one is coming back for us and he's stuck here with me and I say as much.

"I haven't exactly got a lot to smile about James. And neither do you."

"Oh don't be like _that_." He rolls his eyes and looks over his shoulder, when he looks back there's a twinkle in his eye that makes me instantly suspicious.

"C'mon Blondie," Sawyer grabs my hands and sends me a crooked smile that melts the ice in my broken heart. He pulls me into the ocean and I squeal as he lifts me up into his chest. Droplets of refreshingly cool water hit my skin and I instinctively hug him closer.

After three years I didn't make it back to Miami, I didn't get to kiss my nephew on the cheek or hug my sister again, and maybe I _never _will.

But I did find my way home.


End file.
